It was while sitting behind the windshield shivering and watching the snowflakes burn on the rumbling hood that I decided to go back. My hands were shaking, and I could hardly keep the phone close to my ear long enough to ask her if it would be alright. She said that it would be, but only for a little while. I dropped the phone into my lap and realized that I had lost her.

I was still shivering slightly as we walked up the steps to her room. She was on the fourth floor of the dormitory. I always hated walking up those steps and through those halls. It reminded me of a life that I could have had once, but was now too old to appreciate. A guy who looked like he just woke up from a night of beer bongs and vodka shots stopped us in the third floor hallway.

The two exchanged words and laughed about something from class. She introduced me. I hated the way that everything would seem perfect for those moments. Smiles. Handshakes. Nice to meet you's. I wondered if he could see past my smile. I wondered if he could see past the squinted eyes and furled eyebrows to the inside. Or if he could feel it in my fingers, in the gentle shaking that I was trying so hard to conceal.